We knew after Zachary that our family wasn't quite complete. I was ready to try for our second child before Mike was, but eventually we both got on the same page and began to try again. I was hoping that it would take less time overall this time (total time to get pregnant with Zachary was 9 months - including the miscarriage), since my body knew what to do. That was before I knew was secondary infertility was.
After about eleven months of trying with absolutely no results, a friend talked to me about reaching out to a fertility specialist for help. She knew it was tearing me apart that I hadn't gotten pregnant yet, and since I was rapidly approaching AMA (advanced maternal age), my stress was only increasing every month we weren't successful. I did some research and decided it might be the right step. I knew several people who had gotten pregnant with help and the consensus among all of them was that they wished they had reached out for help sooner. Mike wasn't ready to move forward with fertility yet, but again, we both got on the same page and we soon had our appointment.
The first thing you have to do as a new fertility couple is test. Lots and lots of tests. The first day we had our consultation, my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) ordered gobs of blood work. I think they took about ten vials of blood that day. He also ordered an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) for me and a sperm analysis for my husband. They are looking for trends, for reasons why you may not be pregnant yet. While many infertility diagnoses are something going on with the woman, there are many men who receive infertility diagnoses, so they check everything.
The HSG test is basically to find out if there are any blockages in your tubes or anywhere in your uterus. For me, it was a painless test. They insert a dye into a tube which then goes into your uterus and through your fallopian tubes. They watch the dye through an x-ray and can see if the dye stops anywhere it isn't supposed to, which indicates a blockage. It was very cool to watch, and since it was virtually painless for me, this was an easy test.
After all the testing on both sides were complete, we met back up with the RE to find out what was wrong. Even though it sounds strange, I was hoping he had found something to pinpoint. A diagnosis of unexplained fertility would have been even harder to come by than a diagnosis that something was "wrong" with one of us. At least if they knew what direction to head, we wouldn't have to try throwing everything at the wall and see what sticks.
A diagnosis was received. They suspected I had endometriosis and a weak luteal phase. Endometriosis is a disorder where the endometrial cells that typically line your uterus somehow leave the uterus and attach themselves to other places. There are four stages and while they're not exactly sure why this disorder causes infertility, it's actually the leading cause of infertility among women. A weak luteal phase is basically that my body wasn't producing enough progesterone in the second half of my cycle to maintain a pregnancy. Basically, we could have had an egg fertilize, but because my body didn't produce enough progesterone, my body wouldn't realize I was pregnant and would trigger me to finish off my cycle, getting rid of the fertilized egg. Husband's tests all came back as almost perfect and the RE was very happy with all his tests.
I was upset that the "problem" appeared to be me, but at least now we had a game plan and could move forward.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Zachary's Birth
Went in for a standard weekly appointment on a Monday. I remember telling the doctor I felt like I was never going to have this baby. She laughed and said all moms feel that way from about 35 weeks on, but to fret not, he would have to join us at some point. Babies don't live in bellies forever. She offered a check to see if I was dilated (to maybe give me some hope) and I agreed. I was discouraged when she told me that I was dilated to 1 cm.
I continued my daily life, perhaps just a little slower. On Thursday afternoon, I approached my CFO's office to ask him to sign something for me and suddenly my pants were wet. I was shocked, and...let's be honest, a little embarassed. Luckily, he was on the phone, so I dashed into the bathroom across the hall and discovered that my water appeared to have broken. I pulled my shirt as low as it would possibly go and made my way back to my office. A quick phone call to Mike, a whispered conversation with a co-worker to notify them I was leaving, and I was on my way.
My mother had short labors. I was the oldest and the longest. At four hours. I was hoping my labor tendancies took after my mother, so Mike was very nervous when we ran into traffic on the way to the hospital. What was usually a fifteen minute drive took over an hour due to an accident blocking the road. No worries though, I was still barely contracting when we reached the hospital.
After a total of 18 hours of labor and six hours of pushing, it was determined that Zachary would not be coming and we would have to have a c-section. We FINALLY got to meet our son and our worlds changed forever in that instant.
That was three years ago and I still remember most of the moments vividly. It was a special day, and even though it didn't go exactly as planned, it was still one of the most beautiful days of my lives.
I continued my daily life, perhaps just a little slower. On Thursday afternoon, I approached my CFO's office to ask him to sign something for me and suddenly my pants were wet. I was shocked, and...let's be honest, a little embarassed. Luckily, he was on the phone, so I dashed into the bathroom across the hall and discovered that my water appeared to have broken. I pulled my shirt as low as it would possibly go and made my way back to my office. A quick phone call to Mike, a whispered conversation with a co-worker to notify them I was leaving, and I was on my way.
My mother had short labors. I was the oldest and the longest. At four hours. I was hoping my labor tendancies took after my mother, so Mike was very nervous when we ran into traffic on the way to the hospital. What was usually a fifteen minute drive took over an hour due to an accident blocking the road. No worries though, I was still barely contracting when we reached the hospital.
After a total of 18 hours of labor and six hours of pushing, it was determined that Zachary would not be coming and we would have to have a c-section. We FINALLY got to meet our son and our worlds changed forever in that instant.
That was three years ago and I still remember most of the moments vividly. It was a special day, and even though it didn't go exactly as planned, it was still one of the most beautiful days of my lives.
The Second Time
After we lost the first pregnancy, I was lost. I lost so much innocence with that experience. My doctor recommended we wait for three months to try again, and assured me that I would be able to get pregnant and carry to term. She reassured me that by medical standards I wouldn't be high risk, but that she would treat me that way to help ease my mind.
The first month after our "break" we tried again. It was half-hearted and somewhat tentatively. To be totally honest, though we were very excited to be parents and to create our family, we were no longer so ignorant that pregnancy=baby and that's a scary place to be.
When the two pink lines appeared on the pregnancy test after the first month trying, I felt something like hope. It wasn't as thrilling, it wasn't as blind, but it was there. We scheduled our first appointment again with the OB and this time, when they confirmed my pregnancy, they drew blood too. They were looking for something that would help this pregnancy stick.
What came back with the bloodwork was that my progesterone levels were too low to support a pregnancy. If I didn't get supplements, I would likely lose this pregnancy too. I was immediately started on progesterone and was told to take the supplements daily until after the first trimester when the placenta takes over supporting the fetus.
Once on the progesterone, my pregnancy went just as you'd expect a pregnancy to go. Baby had a solid heartbeat at every ultrasound and on the doppler at every appointment. He grew normally, our NT scan (to measure for potential genetic anomalies) was perfect, the anatomy scan at 20 weeks was perfect. I had no reason to be scared that I wouldn't take this baby home.
But I was.
I didn't enjoy the pregnancy as much as I should have. I took monthly belly pictures at the insistence of my family and friends who were all far from me. I didn't allow myself to bond too much. Once I started feeling movement, I would panic if I hadn't felt movement for awhile. I can't tell you how many panicked calls my husband received at work that I hadn't felt the baby move ALL DAY, should we go to the hospital? And as soon as I called, I'd feel a little thump.
A quick visit to labor and delivery at 37 weeks showed me that we would probably make it to delivery. While we didn't come home that day with a baby, we got to listen to The Boy on an NST for over an hour before they decided I wasn't in labor yet and sent me home.
The first month after our "break" we tried again. It was half-hearted and somewhat tentatively. To be totally honest, though we were very excited to be parents and to create our family, we were no longer so ignorant that pregnancy=baby and that's a scary place to be.
When the two pink lines appeared on the pregnancy test after the first month trying, I felt something like hope. It wasn't as thrilling, it wasn't as blind, but it was there. We scheduled our first appointment again with the OB and this time, when they confirmed my pregnancy, they drew blood too. They were looking for something that would help this pregnancy stick.
What came back with the bloodwork was that my progesterone levels were too low to support a pregnancy. If I didn't get supplements, I would likely lose this pregnancy too. I was immediately started on progesterone and was told to take the supplements daily until after the first trimester when the placenta takes over supporting the fetus.
Once on the progesterone, my pregnancy went just as you'd expect a pregnancy to go. Baby had a solid heartbeat at every ultrasound and on the doppler at every appointment. He grew normally, our NT scan (to measure for potential genetic anomalies) was perfect, the anatomy scan at 20 weeks was perfect. I had no reason to be scared that I wouldn't take this baby home.
But I was.
I didn't enjoy the pregnancy as much as I should have. I took monthly belly pictures at the insistence of my family and friends who were all far from me. I didn't allow myself to bond too much. Once I started feeling movement, I would panic if I hadn't felt movement for awhile. I can't tell you how many panicked calls my husband received at work that I hadn't felt the baby move ALL DAY, should we go to the hospital? And as soon as I called, I'd feel a little thump.
A quick visit to labor and delivery at 37 weeks showed me that we would probably make it to delivery. While we didn't come home that day with a baby, we got to listen to The Boy on an NST for over an hour before they decided I wasn't in labor yet and sent me home.