Lessons

Awhile back, I posted about the fight that we'd had with the PA at Nicholas's neurosurgeon to get a prescription for a cranial band. And that we'd seen such success with it.

When Mike had had his appointment with the PA, he had been told that because of the severity of Nicholas's hydrocephalus, the best thing we could do for him as parents was to take him home and make him as comfortable as possible for however long he would have. We had already seen progress from him at that point and refused to believe that we had reached the end of the progress. While we weren't going to fight that fight with the neurosurgeon's PA, we didn't plan on not moving forward with the therapies that he was responding so well to.

Last week, Nicholas had his first follow up appointment at the neurosurgeon's office since that fight. And he was scheduled to see the PA that had originally denied us.

Mike brought Nicholas (and Emily!) to the appointment. When the PA walked into the office, Mike had Nicholas sitting up on the table - independently. The PA walked in and was shocked the Nicholas was sitting up on his own and mentioned it. Mike nodded and waited for the measurements to begin. Nicholas's asymmetry was at 4 mm. The PA re-measured and looked at Mike. He was in awe. He said, "It worked. It actually worked." He couldn't believe it.

During the course of the appointment, Mike found out that the PA had truly believed that Nicholas would be severely disabled and that we would likely not see much development out of him. As it turns out, the majority of the fluid from the ventricles was pooled in the front of his brain during gestation and had caused damage to the frontal lobes. The frontal lobes are primarily responsible for gross motor skills (such as sitting, crawling, walking), as well as the swallow function. It makes perfect sense, then, that Nicholas has difficulty swallowing without aspirating and also that he is delayed with his gross motor function. But he's catching up. He probably won't walk before he's 2, but he very well may crawl. He's sitting up, completely unassisted, for 30 minutes to an hour now, where previously we were lucky if he sat unassisted for more than 5 minutes.

The PA told Mike that he was wrong. And that he is amazed in the development he's seeing in Nicholas. That it is completely obvious that the brain is regenerating itself and that nobody can tell what Nicholas can or will achieve. He credited us for fighting back in every area that we could. For being Nicholas's advocate against even him (the PA). The PA ate some humble pie that day, and for future patients of his, I am eternally grateful that he had the self-awareness to realize he had misjudged and that he could learn from his mistake. I felt a tiny stab of retribution too, of course, but mostly I'm just glad that he could reflect on his analysis and realize that perhaps he doesn't have all the answers. For the rest of his career, he will think of the little boy who surprised him when talking to parents. The little boy who refuses to stop.

Being Kind

Recently, I was having an issue with my phone that required genius intervention. Anyone who has any kind of an Apple product understands the wait that will ensue to get genius intervention at an Apple store, but my phone literally did not work (touch screen was completely non-responsive) and since we don't have any other form of communication than our cell phones, it had to be fixed.

I got home from work, traded out the guard with Mike as he headed off to work, and went over to the mall. When I got there I was told the next available appointment was in two and a half hours, so I took it and then decided the kids and I could go get some dinner.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, we tend to attract attention when we go places. People see the double stroller and are drawn to it. "Twins?" is the first word I hear out of almost everyone's mouths. And now that they're older and more interactive, people have even more fun with them. Nicholas, in particular, draws attention because he is so friendly. He loves to have attention - he will giggle and smile and try to touch you. He adores people.

On this day, I was a little out of sorts because I was stressed about the phone, and it's not easy to navigate a mall with a double stroller (one of whom really hates being strapped in now that she can walk) and a curious pre-schooler. Zach suddenly decided he had to go potty NOW. Luckily I had already made my appointment at Apple, so we walked as quickly as we could to the bathrooms and he declared that he would not go in there because it's for GIRLS. And of course, the family restroom was full. Both of the twins needed diaper changes too. I convinced Zach to come in and help me while I changed the diapers and then asked him to just TRY to go potty in the first stall nearest the diaper changing area. He asked me if that was for boys and I blurted out, "Yep, that's the one they save for boys who have to come in with their mommies!" He was delighted and ran right to the stall. I felt a pat on my back and I looked up to see an elderly woman smiling at me. "You're doing a fine job mama." she said softly, smiled at the twins, and then left the bathroom.

On this day, at this moment, as we headed out of the mall to go get some dinner while we waited for my Apple appointment, Nicholas was wearing his helmet, wearing his eye patch, and eating through his g-tube. All of this is normal to me. I am used to getting some glances, and even some curious kids asking, but it is something that people who know us really don't even pay attention to anymore. Zach had asked about going into a store and so I had stopped and was paying attention to him. I finished my conversation with him and looked up to a man standing in front of the stroller, gazing at Nicholas. The look on his face was one of pure disgust. He noticed me notice him and looked up at me.

"Is something wrong with him?" His voice was dripping with revulsion. It was like Nicholas was the worst thing his eyes had ever encountered. It caught me completely off guard.

I could have used the opportunity to educate him. I could have explained that yes, something is wrong, but he's okay. Instead, my mama bear took over and I growled, "Is something wrong with you?" He looked shocked, shot me a dirty look, and walked away. It hurt my heart with everything I had because I knew this wouldn't be the last time that he encountered something like that, and I lashed out. I don't know if he would have even listened if I tried to educate him, but I could have tried. My only saving grace was that Zach was distracted by the store he was trying to visit and I don't think he even realized the encounter happened, it was over that quickly, and that Nicholas had no idea what was going on.

Two very different encounters that left me feeling two very different ways. I wish that we all tried to build each other up. I wish that we all spoke with kindness and gentleness. I hope that I can teach my children to be the first encounter, not the second. And I hope that Nicholas can get through life without feeling the way that man made me feel, simply because he's different.