Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Second Time

After we lost the first pregnancy, I was lost. I lost so much innocence with that experience. My doctor recommended we wait for three months to try again, and assured me that I would be able to get pregnant and carry to term. She reassured me that by medical standards I wouldn't be high risk, but that she would treat me that way to help ease my mind.

The first month after our "break" we tried again. It was half-hearted and somewhat tentatively. To be totally honest, though we were very excited to be parents and to create our family, we were no longer so ignorant that pregnancy=baby and that's a scary place to be.

When the two pink lines appeared on the pregnancy test after the first month trying, I felt something like hope. It wasn't as thrilling, it wasn't as blind, but it was there. We scheduled our first appointment again with the OB and this time, when they confirmed my pregnancy, they drew blood too. They were looking for something that would help this pregnancy stick.

What came back with the bloodwork was that my progesterone levels were too low to support a pregnancy. If I didn't get supplements, I would likely lose this pregnancy too. I was immediately started on progesterone and was told to take the supplements daily until after the first trimester when the placenta takes over supporting the fetus.

Once on the progesterone, my pregnancy went just as you'd expect a pregnancy to go. Baby had a solid heartbeat at every ultrasound and on the doppler at every appointment. He grew normally, our NT scan (to measure for potential genetic anomalies) was perfect, the anatomy scan at 20 weeks was perfect. I had no reason to be scared that I wouldn't take this baby home.

But I was.

I didn't enjoy the pregnancy as much as I should have. I took monthly belly pictures at the insistence of my family and friends who were all far from me. I didn't allow myself to bond too much. Once I started feeling movement, I would panic if I hadn't felt movement for awhile. I can't tell you how many panicked calls my husband received at work that I hadn't felt the baby move ALL DAY, should we go to the hospital? And as soon as I called, I'd feel a little thump.

A quick visit to labor and delivery at 37 weeks showed me that we would probably make it to delivery. While we didn't come home that day with a baby, we got to listen to The Boy on an NST for over an hour before they decided I wasn't in labor yet and sent me home.


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