Ramifications of Twins

Later that night, after the ultrasound was done, after the discussions of costs at daycare were done, after Zachary was picked up, fed, bathed and sent to bed, Mike and I sat in semi-shock. It was weird to think that I was pregnant after so long trying. It was hard to fathom that I had two babies growing inside me.

We fell asleep and at 2 a.m. I woke up, terrified. I realized we were having two babies. Two babies at one time. What would we do???? How could we afford this? What would this do to Zachary? A sudden bout of nausea overcame me and I ended up in the bathroom throwing up every little thing I had for dinner. Mike joined me in the bathroom and asked me if I was beginning morning sickness. I replied, through tears, "No, we're having twins!!!!!!"

For weeks after, I became sullen and angry as I tried my very hardest not to resent my pregnancy. I felt like we had ruined our chances at having a normal life. Things began to change so fast. Mike is lucky enough to work for a company with multiple shifts and especially lucky to work with a company that respects him and was willing to change his shift so that we would have no daycare costs. I work during the day and he works at night. It is not very fun for us as a married couple, but we'll be saving nearly $3,000 each month in daycare. I was worried about how this would affect Zachary. He is our everything. I know that us having a newborn in the house would reduce the amount of attention he gets, but can you imagine having two newborns? I was worried about everything and I was taking it out on my family.

One day Mike pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell him. I felt like the worst person alive. I was questioning whether we made the wrong decision because my decision to pursue fertility treatments was causing such huge changes in our family. He kept at me until I let it all out. I was upset, I was regretting becoming pregnant, I was worried I was going to hate the children I was busy growing. And I was terrified that I was an awful human being for having these feelings. Mike let me know that he had been through all of those feelings himself. That he still had them sometimes. But that we were headed this direction now and the only thing we can do is face it together as a family and know that we are strong enough as a family to handle any and all challenges thrown at us. It was a strange foreshadow to what would come next.