I Forgot To Mom

What's your first instinct when your baby starts to cry? I know with Zach and with Emily, it's to pick them up. Hold them close. Try to comfort them. Why is that so hard with Nicholas? I spend so much time with him working on getting him fed (learned the g-tube inside and out - can even change it out myself with no medical personnel intervention now), getting him ready for therapy (speech, occupational and soon physical - though to be fair, Mike takes on the brunt of this responsibility), making sure he lays on different sides to even out his head shape and to keep his torticollis at a minimum that when he acts like a normal baby, sometimes I freeze.

He cries and I try to give him a pacifier. That doesn't work and I get frustrated. Why doesn't he want his pacifier? What's wrong? Is it gas? Is it a shunt failure? Is he hungry and I don't know his queues because he doesn't know them? Is he bored? Uncomfortable? These are all valid questions to ask anytime a baby is crying but the major difference is that when I get so frustrated and so lost about why he's crying, I FORGET TO MOM. Pick. Up. The. Baby.

I get so lost in his "special needs" that I forget that he's a baby. And babies love and crave to be held. Babies sometimes just want to be in mom's (or dad's) arms. Babies sometimes just want to cradle up and hear your heartbeat. Babies sometimes just need to feel your breath on their face as you kiss them. Babies sometimes just want you.

I don't know why it's so hard to remember to just follow my mom instincts. Is it because he has special needs? I'm always searching for something beyond just that he's a baby, but I have to remember to just be a mom to a baby sometimes. Look for the extras, yes, we've caught issues that way before, but sometimes, just be a mom. Just hold him. Just love him.