Two Years

Two years ago today, our crazy twins surprised us by jumping the gun on their delivery. They were originally scheduled as a c-section on December 31st. I was to be at the hospital at 5 a.m. and they were scheduled for a calm, 7:30 a.m. delivery. We had everything planned. My sister was going to fly in on December 24th and help us through the Christmas season and then she would stay home with Zachary until the twins were here. Once we were sure that everything was okay with the twins, she was going to bring Zachary to the hospital, let him come in and meet his siblings and then come in and meet them once Zachary was comfortable. The best laid plans....

Instead, I spent the majority of the day on December 20th feeling terrible. I laid on the couch the vast majority of the day. We had been scheduled to go to a friend's Christmas party and I ended up letting her know we wouldn't make it since I felt so terrible. I went to bed but was woken up at around 1 a.m. with contractions. I'd been having Braxton Hicks for several weeks at that point, so I got up and tried walking around and drinking some water to see if I could make them stop. Instead of slowing down or stopping, they got more intense. By 1:45 a.m., we figured out I was contracting every three minutes for 60+ seconds. Time for the hospital! Our backup emergency contact didn't hear her phone when we called, so Zachary ended up making the trip with us.

An emergency c-section with the anesthesiologist as my support person (since Mike had to stay outside with Zachary) and the twins were born three minutes apart. Both came out screaming, which was a relief, and I was shocked when I heard that Emily weighed 6 lbs 1 oz. That was a good healthy weight, considering they were born four weeks early.

Two intense years have passed since that day. It's been amazing and stressful to watch these two grow. Emily has turned into an outgoing and friendly toddler. She laughs easily, has no issue whatsoever holding her own against two, and loves giving hugs and kisses. Six months ago we were worried at her lack of speech, but she's recently blossomed and has begun speaking many more words and even trying to put sentences together. She adores Minnie Mouse, baby dolls, anything resembling a telephone, and puzzles.

Nicholas loves cars and books and electronics. He is happy the vast majority of the time and is desperate to keep up with his brother and sister. He likes to wrestle with them and loves to laugh. Bubbles are amazing to him - he will try to pop them and says "pop pop pop." He's recently begun speaking more words. He has amazed us with the amount of fight he has. This child simply knows no boundaries. As you all know from the many many stories I've posted throughout the past two years, we have been warned multiple times from multiple physicians that they don't know what to expect from Nicholas. That he very well may have devastating brain damage and that he may never walk or talk or eat. You also know that we found out that brain damage did cause Nicholas to have some issues with his suck/swallow reflex and that it was ultimately decided a g-tube would be the best way to feed him. And that he's continually working on improving that through speech therapy. And that he passed a puree swallow study but we're still working on liquids. And that he has moved from being able to sit up on his own, to a modified scoot, to a modified crawl. And that we fought against physicians to get him a helmet and shocked them completely by having the helmet work and fix his noggin. Last week, his physical therapist tried using a gait trainer with him and Nicholas used it to stand all on his own (with support). And then, he took two steps.

Two years ago, we were scared of having two babies at one time. We were worried about Zachary going from the only to the older brother of two. We didn't know what to expect with Nicholas. And while we've had some of the most difficult times we've ever experienced (we know far more about the inner workings of an intensive care unit that we've ever wanted to), we've also experienced some of the best.

Happy birthday Emily and Nicholas!

You're So Strong!

If "You've got your hands full!" is the most common thing we hear, "You're so strong!" or "I don't know how you do it!" are not very far behind. I take a step back and look at my family to see what they see.

The three year old? Certainly a three year old is a force to be reckoned with. You've never understood the term threenager until you've had one. Some days everything is awesome (does anyone else sing that phrase? Thanks Lego Movie!) and some days the world is ending because we used the wrong color plate or his favorite cartoon is on or the milk is too white. Yep. Those days take some inner reserve. 

The twins? Well they can be overwhelming. Who do you comfort first when they're both crying and only one parent is around? What about when they both need a bath? What if you're changing a diaper and the other one starts melting down?

A medically special needs child? Yeah this one can be tough too, though at this point we have everything about his care down to almost a science that it's a little less overwhelming. Except for times that he throws curve balls at us. Like the other night when we were at dinner and Mike was gravity feeding him and Nicholas was NOT happy and was having such a melt down that somehow his milk actually came out his nose. We aren't sure how that happened. His nissen is supposed to prevent that. He must have exerted some serious force to bypass that. 

So yeah. I guess we have three pretty overwhelming situations all squashed together into one family. But...it's our family. And really, what choice to we have BUT to do it? We can't stop caring for them. We can't not provide for their needs. So we just figure out ways that work for us and keep on keeping on. 

I laugh when I hear that. I appreciate the compliment it implies, but then I think about the families I used to think that about. Another family with a toddler and multiples (if only I could have seen the future!). A family with a toddler with cancer fighting for his life. Another family with more kids than I thought I wanted. And now I know. Yes, it takes great inner reserves of strength and patience but when it's your life you don't really notice yourself pulling up your bootstraps, you just DO IT. And I know that, faced with whatever difficulties lie ahead, any of my friends or family would do the very same thing. Just roll with the punches and figure out what to do next. It's what any good parent does. 

Your Hands Are Full

It happens every time we are out. People are inevitably drawn to a twin stroller. They lean in and ooooo and ahhhh. "Are they twins?" They are. "A boy and a girl?" Yes. Their eyes then fall on the 3 year old hovering protectively nearby. "Oh my goodness! Your hands are full!"

We nod our agreement, smile, and make our way on. Because yes, our hands are so very full. And we can't explain just how full. They don't know that we hook our son up to a tube to feed him six times a day. That we watch the contents of his stomach bubble up into a syringe after we've fed him in order to remove gas from his stomach. That we watch obsessively for signs of abnormal behavior because a baby can't verbalize that his shunt is failing. That we are at therapy appointments three of the five business days of the week in order to help our son learn to swallow without aspirating, learn to hold his heavy head up on his own, learn to use his motor skills. 

They also don't know what it feels like to watch your three year old touch his brother's head and coo how cute he is and that he loves him. To see that unconditional love displayed. To watch that three year old take hospital visits and therapy appointments in stride and accept it as part of being this little boy's big brother. To lay the twins down next to each other and watch them gravitate towards each other. To link arms as they lay on a blanket next to each other. To watch each of them hit their milestones, your son meeting some of them before his non-special needs sister and to swell with pride at the fight you see in him. 

Yes. Our hands are full. And aren't we so lucky they are?