After They're Here

I was in the post partum recovery for a few hours after the C-section. It was very surreal because when I gave birth to Zachary, he came with me into the recovery unit and I began breastfeeding him within an hour of giving birth. I was in recovery here, had just had two babies, and yet had none with me.

Nicholas went directly to the NICU for evaluation and to prepare him for his impending brain surgery. Emily went to the newborn nursery for observation for six hours because she was born as a preemie. The twins were born at 35 weeks, which is apparently a pretty good length of gestation for twins. Nicholas was born at 7 lbs exactly and Emily was 6 lbs 1 oz. Healthy weights, and (beyond the obvious hydrocephalus in Nicholas), they both seemed to be in perfect health.

After shift change, I was allowed to leave recovery and to be moved to my post partum room. The nurses drove my hospital bed into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit, the first stop for all NICU babies after birth. It was a small room with isolettes and warming beds all shoved in closely together. The lights were dim and it was fairly quiet. I hadn't seen Nicholas when he was briefly showed to me after birth because my husband had my glasses, so this would be my first chance to lay eyes on him.

Because Zachary had had to come along for the birth, he was obviously still there during recovery and in the transport to the mother/baby unit. The recovery nurse had packed him into my hospital bed next to me and he was allowed to come along for the ride. I was very nervous about him seeing Nicholas for the first time, especially since my husband nor I had seen Nicholas and had no idea what he looked like and if it would potentially scare Zachary. We have since learned that we underestimate Zachary and to just let things happen organically because he doesn't look at the world through the same eyes we do.

My hospital bed took up a large amount of space in this crowded room. We wheeled up next to Nicholas's warming bed and I laid eyes on my youngest son for the first time. The first thing I noticed was that he was adorable. He had a giant head, yes, his eyes were open because there was too much pressure for them to fully close, and he had wires all over him monitoring him, but all I saw was an adorable baby boy. Zachary, who I'm sure was completely overwhelmed at this point, whispered in my ear to ask if he could touch Nicholas. The nurse helped him touch Nicholas, and my heart melted. I knew we were in for a different journey than we had originally planned for, but this was the first time that I felt we might be okay.