Discharged

On December 24th, Emily and I were given clean bills of health and were determined ready to be discharged. We packed up everything in our room and dressed her in her going home outfit. The nurses told us to leave everything in our room while we went up to the NICU to say goodbye to Nicholas.

I had known since before giving birth that we would be leaving him in the NICU when I went home. I had prepared myself that we may potentially have to leave Emily there too, so it was very positive news that she was coming home with me. It still didn't prepare me for what I felt, leaving him there. 

The nurse practitioner heading the NICU that day was prepared with tissues and hugs. She told me that, having worked for years in the NICU, she felt that she understood how difficult it must be to drive away from the hospital without your child in the car. Then she had a son who had to stay in the NICU. She said she sobbed the whole way home and nobody could calm her down. 

I cried as we drove away. I knew he was in amazing hands and that the nurses on that floor watched over these babies as if they were their own, but I was leaving and my baby wasn't coming with me. I thought I was prepared for that. You can never be prepared to leave your child behind in the hospital. 

Emily kept me very busy and luckily my sister was here also, so that distracted me enough that I made it through the first day and night at home.