Everybody Wins

For knowledge purposes, Zach's school is a member of the American Taekwondo Association (ATA) and the ATA has a program for small children called the Tiny Tigers, for ages 2-5. The Tiny Tigers learn the basics of martial arts - forms, weapons, board breaking - but are placed on an achievement system designed to keep them entertained and excited. Instead of earning a green belt tomorrow, Zach will (hopefully) earn his Ara belt. Ara is a turtle. The belts have the designs of the animals on them (the Ara belt looks like a turtle shell), and when the students advance, they earn the new belt, a t-shirt with the new animal on it, a headband to tie around their heads and a stuffed animal in the shape of the animal they learned. It's all really exciting and motivational for small kids.

Last week I overheard a discussion about the tournament at Zach's taekwondo school about how the medal systems were handled. It was discussed that it was inappropriate for all of the Tiny Tiger students to receive a medal for participating because in the real world you don't get rewarded every time, you have to earn your rewards, and only one person gets the job, not every applicant.

I actually agree with this to a certain extent. I think it's part of my job as a parent to not only teach my children to win gracefully but also learn how to lose. They will not win everything in their lives that they attempt. Someone else will get the job. They may not get into the college they want. They may go to a taekwondo tournament and not place. It happens. It's part of life. And they need to learn that.

I disagree, however, with the parent in question because I don't think that lesson needs to come at three years old. There are many many years in Zach's life for him to learn disappointment. Right now when he's just forming an opinion on this activity and right now when he's just learning how to practice to succeed, I think it is totally appropriate for him to be rewarded for his effort. I also think that it takes incredible bravery for a tiny little guy or gal (these kids are 2-5 years old remember) to stand up in front of a crowd of parents, other students, teachers from other schools, judges, and this weekend, leaders of the nationwide program and complete the things they have been practicing. It's loud in the room because there are hundreds of students on dozens of mats doing their competition. Parents are screaming in excitement. Judges are staring at them. And these kids get up there and do their very best. And I think that should be rewarded.

I also think it can only benefit these small people if they learn to taste success. There is a requirement that they actually get up and do the event. If they get nervous and back out, they don't medal just because they signed up. They have to actually get up and do it. If they actually do it and get rewarded for their success in standing up, it only makes them more likely to continue to practice and want to succeed in the future.

The reason that Mike and I like taekwondo (and this school in particular) so much is that it teaches the students to be good people first, leaders second, and winners third. It's not all about winning. It's about standing up for yourself and others, respecting yourself and others, and being someone who contributes positively to society. If that's not something to reward, then I don't know what is.

Besides, could you deny this cutie a medal???